terça-feira, março 29, 2011

Vingança do advogado

Pessoal,

Essa é minha vingança... Piada de engenheiros:

Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions
(What we say versus what it means)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
What it really means: We are still guessing at this point.

2. Close project coordination.
What it really means: We sat down and had coffee together.

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
What it really means: We just hired three punk kids out of school.

4. Major technological breakthrough!
What it really means: It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!

5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
What it really means: We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
What it really means: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. Test results were extremely gratifying!
What it really means: Unbelievable, it actually worked!

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
What it really means: The only guy who understood the thing quit.

9. It is in process.
What it really means: It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.

10. We will look into it.
What it really means: Forget it! We have enough problems already.

11. Please note and initial.
What it really means: Let’s spread the responsibility for this.

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
What it really means: We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.

13. Give us your interpretation.
What it really means: We can’t wait to hear your bull.

14. See me or let’s discuss.
What it really means: Come to my office, I’ve screwed up again.

15. All new.
What it really means: Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

16. Rugged.
What it really means: Don’t plan to lift it without major equipment.

17. Robust!
What it really means: Rugged, but more so

18. Light weight.
What it really means: Slightly lighter than rugged

19. Years of development.
What it really means: One finally worked

20. Energy saving.
What it really means: Achieved when the power switch is off.

21. No maintenance.
What it really means: Impossible to fix

22. Low maintenance.
What it really means: Nearly impossible to fix

23. Fax me the data.
What it really means: I’m too lazy to write it down.

24. We are following the standard!
What it really means: That’s the way we have always done it!

25. I didn’t get your e-mail.
What it really means: I haven’t checked my e-mail for days.

Sérgio

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